Personal Essay

    This personal essay has been harder to write than I thought it would be. It's not hard for me to come up with the right stories or even to just write it correctly but just hard to write mentally. In this essay I have to talk about the anxiety gymnastics gave me. I can talk about the good things but mostly have to focus on the negative affects gymnastics had on me. I forgot how young I was, I forgot how my life literally revolved around this sport. I forgot how hard gymnastics was on me not only physically but mentally. 

    I was homeschooled my whole life, up until sixteen, when I went to Ivy tech to take a few college classes. Homeschool truly gave me the option to fully devote my life to this sport. And if you are competing competitively you honestly have to have your life revolve around this sport. In the essay I talk about how I was never naturally good at gymnastics, I had to work my butt off. As I worked harder than everyone else and still never was "good enough" my spirit disintegrated. Gymnastics taught me so much but I swear the minute I went through those Ivy Tech doors I had no confidence. I had no confidence in the way I presented myself, in the way I talked or acted. I didn't even know who I was. Once I quit gymnastics I didn't really have a job or go to school so it didn't matter that I could barely speak up for myself. But after a while I realized I had found my identity in gymnastics. And when I realized that, my spirit was crushed because I didn't know how to rebuild it. 

     I have always been a very happy girl and made many friends very easy. However when I grew up and those friends faded away and I started a completely new journey, I knew nothing. Gymnastics took all my confidence away from me, and caused me so much anxiety. Some of my greatest memories are from that sport but also some of the worst. I always felt left out, like I couldn't do what needed to be done, and when I could I did it alone. I didn't know how to talk to people, how to truly make friends, how to not change my personality with each human being I came into contact with. I didn't know how to just not overthink every little thing. And I find myself going through that again as I am a freshman at a new college.

        Starting a new job was definitely my first challenge when it came to gaining my confidence. I had to keep reminding myself who I was in Christ and that was the only thing that mattered. And after a year of working at my job I feel like I've gotten the whole confidence thing down. I felt like I finally figured out how to just live my life and not be afraid. Then college came, and I feel like I know nothing. Overthinking about what everyone thinks of me. Stressing out over my grades and becoming an adult. But that's okay, because this is just new. My job was new, and I had no idea how to make friends or how to just even do my part. Now I absolutely love my job and feel like my co workers are my best friends. So, I think I'll be just fine with this college thing. It'll take a while, but I'll get my confidence back like I always do. I'll be just fine. 

 

 

Photographs

              

     I am that girl that's known for having 14,752 photos and videos on my phone. I'm not exaggerating, I literally just looked at my photos to see how many I have. I try not to be on my phone too much while I'm making memories but I always do have my camera out. Whether that be my more professional camera, my polaroid, or just my phone. I find myself spending many nights just scrolling through memories. Sometimes it can be saddening but most of the time I find myself very grateful for the life I have been able to capture in photographs. As homework keeps piling up and life gets extremely hectic I remember to try to capture the simple and beautiful moments of life even if it looks a little different now. 

    These are just a few of my favorite photos I have ever taken. Attaching them to this blog definitely takes some of the quality out of them but you get the idea. I find myself mostly outside whenever I'm taking my favorite photos. That's when I'm most inspired, there's so much depth everywhere you look when you go in the outside world. The smallest things become extraordinary with the right angle. As I've mentioned before my family has cabins in MN that we go up to every summer. I add at least 300 more photos every time we visit there. I've been blessed with an incredibly close family and find myself capturing every moment I can because I know these moments don't last forever. I'm trying to not sound too cheesy but hey what can I say, I'm a sentimental nostalgic cheesy girl. 

    I hope to never lose my love for photography even when I don't see many pretty things to capture in my life right now. Life is full of school, homework, and work. The same thing over and over again. But I'm determined to still capture the small things. To look at everything around me and still see it as a memory I won't want to forget one day. And as I sit at my desk at 8pm, having been doing school sense 8am, I'm exhausted. This might be one of those moments I definitely won't worry about capturing, but I'm not going to worry. There will be plenty more to come. 

English class

        

     English is by far my favorite subject and the class I look forward to every year. I love classes where you can interact with your classmates and just work on a project together. As long as that project is not related to math or chemistry of course. I have loved writing sense I was little and started reading fantasy books when I was 10. I still read to this day and love anything that has to do with literature. The last English class I took was at Ivy Tech for dual credit. And let's just say I learned a lot of lessons from that class. She had class about 20% of the time and I left class at least once because she just didn't even bother to show up. I got a good grade in the class thankfully, however I really did not enjoy that English class. That is why I am actually retaking English 104 because of how little experience I got with the last class. I love the current class I am in now so much. 

    This microtheme that we have had to tackle these past few weeks has not been easy. I absolutely love writing and busting out papers, but I'm used to papers much longer and definitely different. I had to really think about what I needed to say and how to write it. I didn't even have any research to think about, it was just really difficult trying to narrow all my thoughts. Which is why I genuinely enjoy this class. Being able to learn something new and figure it out with other classmates is what I look forward to every week. You definitely have those classes that you dread, but there are also those classes that you look forward to every week as well. English class has always, and will always be a class I look forward to.