Personal Essay

    This personal essay has been harder to write than I thought it would be. It's not hard for me to come up with the right stories or even to just write it correctly but just hard to write mentally. In this essay I have to talk about the anxiety gymnastics gave me. I can talk about the good things but mostly have to focus on the negative affects gymnastics had on me. I forgot how young I was, I forgot how my life literally revolved around this sport. I forgot how hard gymnastics was on me not only physically but mentally. 

    I was homeschooled my whole life, up until sixteen, when I went to Ivy tech to take a few college classes. Homeschool truly gave me the option to fully devote my life to this sport. And if you are competing competitively you honestly have to have your life revolve around this sport. In the essay I talk about how I was never naturally good at gymnastics, I had to work my butt off. As I worked harder than everyone else and still never was "good enough" my spirit disintegrated. Gymnastics taught me so much but I swear the minute I went through those Ivy Tech doors I had no confidence. I had no confidence in the way I presented myself, in the way I talked or acted. I didn't even know who I was. Once I quit gymnastics I didn't really have a job or go to school so it didn't matter that I could barely speak up for myself. But after a while I realized I had found my identity in gymnastics. And when I realized that, my spirit was crushed because I didn't know how to rebuild it. 

     I have always been a very happy girl and made many friends very easy. However when I grew up and those friends faded away and I started a completely new journey, I knew nothing. Gymnastics took all my confidence away from me, and caused me so much anxiety. Some of my greatest memories are from that sport but also some of the worst. I always felt left out, like I couldn't do what needed to be done, and when I could I did it alone. I didn't know how to talk to people, how to truly make friends, how to not change my personality with each human being I came into contact with. I didn't know how to just not overthink every little thing. And I find myself going through that again as I am a freshman at a new college.

        Starting a new job was definitely my first challenge when it came to gaining my confidence. I had to keep reminding myself who I was in Christ and that was the only thing that mattered. And after a year of working at my job I feel like I've gotten the whole confidence thing down. I felt like I finally figured out how to just live my life and not be afraid. Then college came, and I feel like I know nothing. Overthinking about what everyone thinks of me. Stressing out over my grades and becoming an adult. But that's okay, because this is just new. My job was new, and I had no idea how to make friends or how to just even do my part. Now I absolutely love my job and feel like my co workers are my best friends. So, I think I'll be just fine with this college thing. It'll take a while, but I'll get my confidence back like I always do. I'll be just fine.